These are voices, some of which are featured in the hit British play Sod Off Ya Blimey Mick.

Naked Ambition. To help her feel more comfortable in the buff, Emily Bittner enlists the help of Scarlett Cox and the Ponderosa Sun Camp. new

Tale of the Tape. With a war over same-sex marriage looming between gays and the Catholic Church, prolific heterosexual The Danimal Murtaugh does some scouting. new

Fan Mail. Newspaper editor Nathan L. Winegar and a reader battle over coordinating conjunctions.

Wax Ecstatic. Steven P. Q. McFarlane takes a walk around the world to ease his troubled mind, and leaves his body lying somewhere in the sands of time.

The Collected Instant Messenger Poetry of Jonathan M. Katz. This exhibition, which first appeared on the Pacific island of Vanuatu, here makes its North American debut.

Vlad Company. A lecherous French documentary filmmaker tours the Arizona desert with his reluctant guide, Emily Bittner.

Mommy Direst by Emily Bittner. Emily's trip home to Minnesota for Mother's Day rapidly degenerates into automotive madness.

The Red Ass of Courage by Joseph D. Vess. With the Middle East in turmoil, Joe checks in with a handy guide to cursing in Arabic.

How Much is That Doggy in the Burning Wreckage by Steven P. Q. McFarlane. The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! And so is everything else. A postmortem on a devastating apartment blaze.

Coach is Coach by Patrick Cooper. Fanfare for the common man.

The Secret Beer Garden by Emily Bittner. Emily and her pals find beer and trouble at Oktoberfest in Munich.

Looking for Mr. Real by Emily Bittner. In search of the mythical Real Man, Emily asks the Santa Ana Fire Department to let her date one of the firemen. Inexplicably, they agree, and Emily proceeds to write the greatest piece of reportage ever to appear on newtonline.

Also: Read the equally enjoyable feedback Bittner received for her efforts.

Keep On Rockin' In The Free Zone by Joseph D. Vess. In the pulse-pounding sequel to I Am What I Aam, Joe reaches the pyramid only to discover, too late, that Aziz has been frozen in carbonite.

I Am What I Aam by Joseph D. Vess. In this report Joe, who resides in Egypt, weighs in on Arabic courtesy titles and learns the true meaning of Christmas, and not necessarily in that order.

Sand Trap by Emily Bittner. Emily loses her luggage, but gains understanding of an exotic and forbidding culture, while traveling in the Sahara Desert.

A Gun for Your Money. Noted gun-control enthusiast Scott Medlock heads out to a gun show, and finds plenty of ammo for his cause.

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