the red ass of courage

by joseph d. vess

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I spend an inordinately large amount of time swearing in Arabic. Conveniently, most of the key obscenities have been easy to pick up. A sampler of the best and brightest:

Zift. Literally "tar", but used the way "crap" is in English.

Ziftain. Literally, "double zift". Used to express twice as much frustration.

Kharra. Shit. Used infrequently, not nearly as much as...

Ah'ha. Shit, with a much stronger connotation. Often used to express derision by snorting and then saying ah'ha.

Teez. Ass.

Mumteez. From mumtezz (super) and teez, it is best translated as "ass-eriffic" or "super-ass." Although I'm not sure what either of those mean.

Teezak hamra. "Your ass is red." The equivalent of saying "Stop embarassing me," but using an obscenity.

Ya zift, inta wa hua. "Hey crap, you and him." Most often used in cars, shouted at other drivers or pedestrians.

Ah'ha alayk. "Shit on you."

Insha'et cetera. The most widely used phrase in Arabic may be insha'allah, or "God willing". Occasionally it is altered, so one could say something like "We'll go to Tabei for lunch, insha'Chris (Chris willing)." This may be blasphemous; I'm not sure.

Ya khrbaituk. "May your house fall down." Can be used in jest or seriously; I prefer to shout it at surly waiters.

Har wa nar fi gatituk. A personal favourite. It means, more or less: "May fire and rock rain down upon you." It's got sort of a quaint, Jonathon Edwards feel to it, but is still complicated enough to bother people.

Moot ya'hamaar. Literally "Die, donkey". Donkeys supposedly have a long life. So if I ask Diaa when my computer will start working correctly, and he says "Soon," I reply "Moot ya'hamaar," suggesting that perhaps after the donkey dies my computer will work. Sort of like, "When monkeys fly out of my ass."

The real beauty of Arabic though, as with any language, is its innate ability to innovate and thus adapt to changing circumstances. I should note, however, that no one uses these words except me.

Shurmoota. From shurta (police) and sharmoota (prostitute). Self-explanatory.

Kharrawagga. From kharra and khawagga (Westerner), it means "shit Westerner." Best used to refer to anyone who looks like a tourist or insists on speaking English to locals in a condescending, touristy way ("WOULD IT HELP IF I SPEAK LOUDER AND SLOWER?").

Joseph D. Vess, Medill '01, lives in Egypt.

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