by
the danimal murtaugh
•
• •
Worried
about the spread of laws that recognize same-sex couples, the Vatican
today urged Roman Catholic lawmakers and others to fight back, calling
support for such legislation "gravely immoral."
— The New York Times, Aug. 1
•
• •
The
Catholic Church vs. The Gays
A Tale of the Tape
Sexual
proclivities
Gays:
Have sex with people of the same gender.
Catholics:
Have sex with children of the same gender.
Edge:
Gays
Access
to money
Gays:
Include among their ranks dozens of millionaires, including media
mogul David Geffen and political fund-raiser David Mixner.
Catholics:
The Vatican's annual revenue has dropped to $175 million after recent
sex scandals, but they could still cover the New York Yankees' payroll.
Bonus points: If necessary, they could tap into limitless supply of
fish, loaves and wine.
Edge:
Catholics
Cultural
cachet
Gays: "Will
& Grace" is the third-highest rated sitcom on television,
and several other gay-themed shows are debuting this year.
Catholics: Sunday
mass is shown at 4 a.m. on public access television.
Edge: Gays
Muscle
Gays:
Abercrombie models.
Catholics:
Italian mobsters.
Edge: Catholics
Political
power
Gays: Openly
gay men and women are found throughout the House and Senate.
Catholics: The
Pope can influence the governments of entire nations.
Edge: Catholics
Method
of influencing powerful men
Gays:
Blowjobs
Catholics:
Fear of God
Edge:
Gays
Final
Verdict
While the Catholic Church has seen its power erode slowly over the
past 1,200 years, gay people are at the height of their social, political
and economic power. I think the gays will win. After all, they have
God on their side.
