[trifle]

Among the many perks of being a writer is the development, over many years, of your contributor bio: that single-sentence distillation of your life which runs at the end of pieces you write for newspapers, magazines and the Web. The majority of these bios are rather dull — So-and-So is a writer living in New York, So-and-So lives in Seattle with his cats, etc. But the best of them effortlessly draw you into the writer's world, leaving you desperate for more. Here then is my own list of practice biographies, a sort of fantasia on a career yet to happen.

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Casey Newton is a management consultant and the author of If You Don't Stand For Something, You'll Fall For Your Secretary.

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Casey Newton is the author of forty-seven Gordon Grizzle mysteries, including Ring Around the Rosey; Pocket Full of Posies; Ashes; Ashes 2: More Ashes; and We All Fall Down.

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Casey Newton is a gay activist and the author of Don't Laugh at the Subtitle: An Oral History of the Gay Rights Movement.

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Casey Newton is a Los Angeles writer whose screenplays include Not Another Dude, Where's My Scary Teen Movie?, a send-up of teen movie parodies.

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Casey Newton is a parenting expert and the author of Within An Inch of Their Lives: The New Discipline for Children 3 to 11.

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Casey Newton is the author of I Am the Central Park Jogger — Or Am I?!

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Casey Newton is a playwright whose most recent work, Manifest Destiny's Child, is an adaptation of Oregon Trail, an educational game for the Apple IIe.

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Casey Newton is a Miami dance instructor and the author of Mambo! Or, Fuck Me You Glorious Bastard.

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Casey Newton is a member of the Defense Policy Board and the author of A Line in the Sand: Arafat, Sharon, the House of Saud, Weapons of Mass Destruction, the Soul of the Republican Party, the Future of Democracy and 101 No-Sweat Recipes for Working Moms.

• • •

Casey Newton is the author of J-Lo: Lousy in the Sack, a biography.

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